004 - This turkey is nowhere near as cute as Miss Asahina.

[slave_of_suzumiya]

(The doorbell? That's odd... All the doors and windows seem to have locked us inside the house. I wonder who could be outside? Maybe Nagato hacked her way out of her house and decided to see how I was. Or maybe Asakura... Let's see... Still can't open it. Hold it, is that a turkey down there? ... I'm not sure I like the look of the truck out there. Well, I suppose since I've got nothing better to do, I might as well examine the turkey. I don't trust this place enough to consider eating it after turning up like that... Oh god, what is that noise!?)

[Having found a shrieking/sobbing turkey, Kyon attempts to figure out where the noise is from, finds no-one, takes another look at the turkey, then goes to the phone.]

Hello? I think my turkey is crying. How do I shut it up?

(... I never thought I'd be asking for advice about sobbing turkeys.)

Comments

[slave_of_suzumiya]

So, they just stop crying if you give them time?

[bogusmagicker.livejournal.com]

That is what has previously occurred.

[slave_of_suzumiya]

I see. And you managed to gather data on it already?

[bogusmagicker.livejournal.com]

It has been broadcast over the phones.

[slave_of_suzumiya]

Still, you never cease to amaze me with how quick you gather this information.

[bogusmagicker.livejournal.com]

Observation and analysis. That is my duty.

[slave_of_suzumiya]

I wasn't aware that your analysis extended to Thanksgiving turkeys?

[bogusmagicker.livejournal.com]

All unusual incidents that occur in this town must be recorded. All data that flows through this space must be analyzed. All information that may yield further evidence of importance must be collected.

[slave_of_suzumiya]

I suppose these things could possibly help us figure out a way home...

[bogusmagicker.livejournal.com]

If the possibility exists, it must be done.

[slave_of_suzumiya]

So uh... What do I do with the turkey now that it's stopped crying? Is it safe to eat or should I dispose of it or what?

[bogusmagicker.livejournal.com]

. . . It is inadvisable to consume it. Please do not touch it again.

[slave_of_suzumiya]

Not even to throw it into the trash?

[bogusmagicker.livejournal.com]

No.

I will dispose of it tomorrow.

[slave_of_suzumiya]

Right. Well, you know best after all...

[bogusmagicker.livejournal.com]

The remainder of the Thanksgiving meal is safe for consumption. Do not concern yourself with the turkeys.

[slave_of_suzumiya]

That's good to know. I'll make sure to avoid any other turkeys I see then.

[bogusmagicker.livejournal.com]

That is the safest course of action.

[slave_of_suzumiya]

So Nagato, have you had any personal encounters with these turkeys?

[bogusmagicker.livejournal.com]

Severed head stuffing.

[slave_of_suzumiya]

Severed head stuffing?

[bogusmagicker.livejournal.com]

Yes.

[slave_of_suzumiya]

Were they severed turkey heads, or...?

[bogusmagicker.livejournal.com]

Ah. Yes.

[slave_of_suzumiya]

Well, at least they weren't human heads or anything...